WITHOUT FIRST GOING ASTRAY
Once I wrote an autobiographical Fairy Tale about a young girl who travelled to the end of the world in search of the Feminine face of God.
Now, almost thirty years later, I can tell the young girl in that Fairy Tale, "failure is part of the search for God." I can tell her that past failures (hers or anyone elses) will not have the last word. I can tell her she is a contemplative on a beautiful and difficult path. I can tell her I am in awe of her courage and strength.
And I can share below a reassuring teaching from Martin Laird, OSA:
"It is not uncommon to find people with very sensitive consciences and who seem to have a certain attraction, even aptitude, for the contemplative path, but who cannot come to terms with things that have happened in their past. Not only can they not accept divine forgiveness, they cannot forgive themselves. Consequently their self-esteem is too low to accept the fact that failure is part of the search for God. As Eckhart says of all the saints and sages down through history, "We rarely find people who achieve great things without first going astray" (Into the Silent Land, 2006, 130).
Go astray Abby!
Go astray.
Go astray.
You will come to terms with your past.
Your attraction to the contemplative path is true.
You are overflowing with aptitude.
You are a contemplative.
And remember, if your self-esteem slips in this regard (and it will), when the inner or outer noise become too much (and it will), "Listen, not to the confusing shrills of despair, but to "the music behind the door of despair."" (131).
THIS is your great and helpful achievement.
And PS.
You ARE God's face.
You don't have to worry,
about finding it.
