Stranded on the Mainland: Inner Pilgrimage and Living Alone as a Spiritual Path:

Heavy snow is falling again today. I skip ahead to this week's CAC Living School's reading assignment in  Falling Upward by Richard Rohr : I discover another reading in this week's module:  What Our Seasons Teach Us,  by Kaitlin Curtice. Paraphrasing Curtice, I imagine making snow angels with "my child self; my 15 year old self; my 20 year old self; my 30 year old self; my 40 year and fifty year old self-- and my self two months ago." I am blown away to read … "the relationship I have to my past selves who are all, somehow, still me." — Kaitlin Curtice. Thank you Kaitlin Cb Amen  

I have been listening to Julian of Norwich's book, Revelations of Divine Love . With talk south of the border about conquering Greenland, I am filled with anxiety and anger. It reminds me of some family members, bosses, colleagues, and coworkers-- how I waited for the hammer to drop when there was an issue. I need to remember (even if I don't quite believe it right now) that love and not power conquers all. And I can know that when God made me he didn't fill me with anxiety and anger. He filled me with love. FULL STOP. Continuing. Usually when I'm triggered like this (and threats to take Greenland have triggered me) I can say to myself: "breathe Carolyn, the same thing isn't happening now, it's just a memory-- granted a very bad one. Those who hurt you are not here, that predator boss and mean coworker aren't here either-- they can't hurt or bully you. Your home is secure, you are safe." But the frightening thing is it IS happening now. I turn ...

An old life sort of flashes before my eyes while I'm watching New Year's Eve festivities from Harbourfront on CP24. Harbourfront is where I lived in my thirties; it's where I was a wife, did a Jungian analysis, wrote a fairytale, and it's where my marriage ended. The fireworks tonight bring it all back. I pick up Merton's  New Seeds of Contemplation  again. Randomly I open to page eighty-one: "You should be able to untether yourself from the world and set yourself free, loosing all the fine strings and strands of tension that bind you, by sight, by sound, by thought, to the presence of other men." And, "Once you have found such a place, be content with it, and do not be disturbed if a good reason takes you out of it. Love it, and return to it as soon as you can, and do not be too quick to change it for another." Continuing. I think about how I didn't go to my former downtown Toronto parish this Christmas (haven't for a few years). But the...