ELEVENTH HOUR WALK

Good Friday has officially been over for 3 hours.  I can't sleep.

After deleting my Good Friday blog in frustration, I checked my email.

There was an unexpected message from Dorothy Pilarski who runs an organization for Catholic moms.  As I read her long message, it becomes clear why I've been so frustrated with my Good Friday blog.  Why I deleted it.

Because I'm afraid to feel the feelings I'm feeling this weekend.  I was planning to attend a funeral today.  But I'm afraid I will break down during the service, it hits too close to home and an old job.  (Rest in peace Don McMillan+).

Continuing, I wish I could get back the feeling of Jesus holding my hand while walking in the snow on Lawrence Avenue to Arz the other day.

I would tell him I hate what's happening in the world.

I would tell him that I'm tired, lonely, frustrated, and running out of gas with this Ptsd thing.

I would tell him I sometimes think it would have been better if I'd died in that car accident in Windsor. 

I would imagine him smiling, putting his arm around me on the couch and saying, "No, it would not have been better". 

Then it happens.  Grace happens.  Help and consolation come (late on Good Friday) from an unexpected source.  Suddenly there's something perfect I can do with my struggle tonight. 

Take an 11th hour walk by way of the stations of the cross.

Amen

Stations of the Cross:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUylvzxsn9Y

P.S.
If I'm going to be true to myself, 
I have to put Richard Rohr video clip back in.


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